Match Report: Woodbridge 2XV vs. Harwich & Dovercourt – The Match of the Century
It was a day of great expectations and lower-than-average tackle techniques as second-placed Woodbridge 2XV hosted third-placed Harwich & Dovercourt in the most eagerly awaited clash of this season, at least. For the record, Mistley RFC are still top, which is honestly none of our business.
Before the game kicked off, bets were being taken in the warm up on who would “take out” the giant Harwich had bought with them, a 7ft tall number 8 with biceps bigger than most Woodbridge players thighs, and who would seemingly dwarf even Eben Etzebeth…
The game kicked off with the usual absurd amount of aggression, as both teams clattered into each other like two shopping trolleys filled with bricks. It was clear that both sides had come for a game of rugby, not to mention a few early injuries. Maybe not to each other, but let’s be honest, who isn’t here for a bit of carnage? The first 10 minutes were an orgy of big hits and questionable decisions, before someone finally remembered we were here to play rugby and not just make each other’s bones rattle.
In the 11th minute, Scott Backhouse decided enough was enough and muscled through the Harwich defence like he was pushing a shopping trolley in a packed supermarket, breaking free after a solid scrum by Woodbridge No. 8, Henry Butler. Try was unconverted, because that’s just the way we do things here. 5-0 to Woodbridge.
The next 7 minutes were just a blur of brilliance from Sam Jackson, who scored, then scored again (because apparently Harwich had forgotten that they could actually tackle him). Both tries were unconverted, but let’s be real: does anyone really care about conversions at this point?
Then came the pass. In the 27th minute, Jackson threw a “NO YOU DICKHEAD!!”, “SAM WHAT THE F$$k!” “NO SAM!!!” “How in the hell did you do that?” “This guy doesn’t play this level”, 50-yard pass straight to Sam Cornebey, who somehow knew what was happening, and caught the ball, before running it over for another unconverted try. If that wasn’t ridiculous enough, Jackson then broke the line again, threw an inside pass to an almost full speed Barney Harper (who nearly scored but got dragged down, just to add drama), before popping it to Ed Johnson who did the exact same thing. Fortunately, Jackson finished what he had started, making it 22-0 in the 29th minute, with the conversion (finally) in, albeit perhaps by accident.
The score line started resembling a video game, with Backhouse barrel-rolling through the Harwich defence as if their defence had gone on a short break, making the score line even more impressive. But, of course, Harwich decided to show up in the 36th minute, finally scoring a converted try to make it 27-7. But don’t get too excited, Harwich fans; Woodbridge weren’t having any of it.
Tom Frohn then waltzed through the Harwich defence in the 38th minute like he was performing on strictly come dancing, and manoeuvring through players like they weren’t even there. It like watching Swan Lake, as he scored under the posts. After this majestic play, the dazed and startled referee asked for a 60 second pause while he digested what had just happened. Try was converted. 34-7 at halftime. It could’ve been 100-7, but we’ll just leave it at that.
HALF-TIME BREAK
The second half began like a bad sequel, with Sam Jackson picking up right where he left off—scoring again in the 44th minute after sidestepping three players to make it 48-7. Harwich tried to get a bit of respect back in the 56th minute with a converted try, but it was as useful as a chocolate teapot. 48-12.
Then, like clockwork, Sam Jackson intercepted a pass from Harwich’s No. 10 in the 58th minute and sprinted down the field for another converted try. 55-12, and Harwich were probably wondering what the hell just happened.
Tom Frohn had another cheeky run into the corner in the 61st minute, but the try was unconverted. Still, who’s counting at this point? The score line was beginning to look like a rugby version of Monopoly – a game that only one team was winning, and that team was Woodbridge. In the 68th minute, Barney Harper ran through Harwich’s defence with such speed that it looked like he was being chased by a bear or maybe he is actually the real Flash…? Try unconverted, but it didn’t really matter.
In the 70th minute, Henry Butler capped off the performance by busting through the Harwich defence from a scrum play like he was a hot knife through butter. Try scored. Converted? Who cares?
Jackson put the final nail in the coffin in the 76th minute, finishing in the far corner after another strong run, making it 76-12. Harwich managed a token consolation try in the 79th minute (converted), but by then, the damage was done. The full-time score was a brutal 76-19.
Full Time Score: Woodbridge 2XV 75, Harwich & Dovercourt 19
